If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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