I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Randomize
