Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
