Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
