real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
