It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Randomize
