Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
