is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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