I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
