Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
