And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
