U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
The best revenge is premature balding
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
She's like a pop up book from hell.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
the night ended with taco bell and tears
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
