so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
