That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
