Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize