I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
The air was thick with penises
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
