You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Randomize
