The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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