Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
