she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
