No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
