I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
