That's intense
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Randomize
