Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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