You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Randomize
