id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
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