So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Porn is love you can see.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
