whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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