We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
