Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
