Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
