Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
