my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
