like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
