Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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