we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
