I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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