I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
