her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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