I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
