she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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