I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
