Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I think I am morally bankrupt
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
