I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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