Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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