Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
