So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
You should frame my arrest warrant.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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