I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
