I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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