So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
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