If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
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