Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
