so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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