Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
God, I missed his penis.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
