Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Randomize
