Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Is it because I queefed?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I need a beard to bite.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
