see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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