How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Dicks are not precious.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
