Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
So much rum. So many feels.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
