Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
