If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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