Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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