i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
