and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Someone shattered a urinal.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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