someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
