Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
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