i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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