u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
